SECTION 9
Supporting a child who has disclosed online abuse to you
Do
- Acknowledge how difficult it must have been to talk and let them know they’ve done the right thing by coming to you.
- Use language that lets the child know that what’s happened is not their fault.
- Listen calmly and objectively to what they have to say. Reacting with shock or anger may close the conversation, and children are likely to remember this reaction in the future.
- Allow them to explain it in their own words, at their own pace.
- Reassure the child that whilst it cannot be kept a secret, only the adults who need to know will be informed.
- Save the evidence where appropriate. Evidence may include screenshots taken on a laptop or mobile device, emails, texts, or online conversation histories. This is different in the case of CSAM – see the DON’T section for more information.
- Take notes after you’ve spoken to the child. Try to keep these as accurate as possible.
- Report the abuse as soon as possible to the relevant agencies (school, children’s services, police) so that the details are fresh in your mind and action can be taken quickly.
Don't
- Interview, interrogate, or decide if the child is telling the truth. Instead, listen impartially and keep it factual; record statements and observable things, not your interpretations.
- Assume anything, speculate, or jump to conclusions. Don’t ask leading questions or provide language for the child.
- View images of CSAM. This is illegal and should be avoided. If a child reports that their device contains inappropriate images, ask the child, “If I look at these images, what will I see?” If it is CSAM or otherwise inappropriate/illegal images, the device should be brought to authorities.
- Make promises that may not be able to be honoured (such as promising you won’t tell anyone or that this will never happen again).
- Ask the child to wait until another person can be present to witness the disclosure.
Avoiding victim-blaming
Victim-blaming is any language or behaviour that implies (intentionally or unintentionally) that the victim of abuse or harm is fully or partially responsible for their experience.
Whether you are a parent or carer, or work with children and young people in a professional capacity, victim-blaming is damaging for children and young people and can discourage them from seeking support or talking openly about their experiences.
When young people fear that they will be in trouble they will be less likely to come forward and share their concerns and ask for the help they need. To avoid negative outcomes, it’s crucial that young people are encouraged to talk to trusted adults and assured of a safe space for conversations.
Avoid phrases and questions like:Â
- Why did you do that?
- Why did you break the rules that we set?
- Why didn’t you come forward sooner?
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- What did you expect would happen?
- You should have known better.
- That was a dangerous choice.
- You put yourself in danger by…
If you work with children and young people, your setting’s policies and procedures should promote anti-victim blaming attitudes and language. If adults in your setting display victim blaming attitudes, consciously or unconsciously, it is important to discuss this with them and challenge this behaviour in a constructive way.
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